Part II

I don't know how much detail to go into, so bear with me. There really is so much to this story. If you want the punchline and then here you go:
we were able to witness the birth of our son; I was able to be the first one to hold him and give him a bath. Brad gave him his first bottle and changed his first diaper. The bio mother signed over her parental rights exactly 26 hours after the birth. The final adoption papers were signed on Dec. 16th. There! Now keep reading if you want the mushy parts.

So, just some fun newborn photos:

A real mom learns how to do 80-zillion things at once, ie build furniture while never setting your baby down.












A few more things about our story. This is the part where you can stop reading if you are a skeptic. I don't mean that as an insult, you'd just find this part hard to believe.

I've mentioned that we were there at all the ultrasounds and Dr. appointments and best of all, were there at his birth. What an amazing experience and to be able to tell Kash we were there from the beginning. Looking back, I can see that he was always our baby. He was always meant for us. Poor kid.

But what I haven't yet said are the really tender parts. The next morning after Kash was born, the bio mother started texting me, asking if he was healthy and what did he look like, etc. (Keep in mind that she couldn't sign over her parental rights for another 12 hours, and that was if, IF everything went perfectly. She could still change her mind and keep the baby). The poor girl was all alone in the maternity ward, surrounded by mothers and babies and happy families. She had no baby and no family around to comfort her. No one and she had just made the hardest choice of her life. Again, looking back, I admire her strength and courage.

Brad went to go sit with her and keep her company while I was with Kash. Then we traded and I went to sit with her for a bit. I know it sounds kind of strange but we had that kind of relationship. It was almost a friendship--but one we had to still keep at arms length. We had all agreed that Kash and the bio mother would have no contact afterwards.

So, I am sitting with her and she asks me, "How does it feel to be a mommy?". I start crying and tell her I'm afraid she will still change her mind. (We had a very straight-forward relationship). Try to picture this: She turns to me and in her blunt, no-nonsense voice tells me, "Amber! Stop it! He is your baby! As soon as I met you, I knew you were his parents. I was just carrying him for you." Honest to God, those really were her words. It still gives me the tingles, but there's more.

She checks out of the hospital with a "count-down" of 5 hours before she can sign. We were so worried at this point because Kash couldn't leave until the next day and the court advocate would have to track her down to have her sign. For the next 5 hours, she would text me every half hour and ask when the advocate was coming. She said she was ready to have closure. Finally, it was the time for the advocate's appointment. The plan was for him to go to her house, get her signature and then call us to meet him and have us sign. 26 hours after our son was born, she signed the paperwork. TWENTY SIX hours. That is unheard of.

And the very best part. Before the advocate could even leave her apartment complex, I get a text from her. "It is all done. Congratulations new mommy and daddy!". And then, and then I grabbed Kash into my arms and the sweet little boy opened his eyes for the first time that day and just stared at me for a half hour. Truly, truly. All the people in the room would say the same thing. Everyone was in tears, especially me.

And the last part. Again, some background: In the state of Utah, although the birth parents can sign their rights away 24 hours after the birth, the courts will not allow the parents to finalize the adoption until 6 months after the birth. For various reasons, we needed this to take place before the end of the year and not wait until Jan 13th. So you have to go through this whole process and petition the judge and write up this reasoning, etc. We go through this and not only is our motion granted, we were able to adopt him at 5 months old. Again, unheard of.

And so, I say again, he was meant to be part of our family. He was always our baby.

Oh Sheesh, where to start? Part I

7 months of catching up. Sheesh, there is no way.

Synopsis: Adopted a baby boy, became a mother.

Heehee. That was about the shortest catch-up possible. Let me see if I can do this amazing story justice.

Back in January, a guy I work with told me that his niece was pregnant and wanted to find a nice couple to adopt the child. At this point, she was only 3 months along. My first thought was that she would most definitely change her mind, once she was further along and the baby became "real". Brad and I were ready to start a family, but not ready to get my hopes up and have my heart broken. For the next couple of months, the uncle kept "pestering" me. I would always say the same thing, "she's going to change her mind".

Finally, in the end of April, Brad and I decided, "What the hell? Why not at least talk to her?". I was a nervous mess but the uncle kept reassuring me and I made the call. I liked the girl instantly and we arranged to meet. In the meantime, Brad and I got some legal counsel and felt a little more prepared going into it.

We started to see the biological mother weekly and became extremely active in the pregnancy. We went to every single doctor's appointment, and were there when we found out we were having a son. (Those of you who are keeping track, she was then in her 3rd trimester and hadn't been to the doctor yet. Yeah, that was the first thing we insisted upon. Luckily, the pregnancy was going really smoothly and we were fortunate to be part of everything.)

Looking back, things went so smoothly. She never waivered about the adoption. Of course, at the time, we were never 100% sure. They can always always change their mind. We met a lot of her family and they were, for the most part, amazing. They were all in agreeance that the baby needed 2 parents and they felt we were the right people.


OK, little break for pictures and then part II:
These are his "week by week" photos.

I'm baaaaaaack!

It's been a few months- oh, like 6ish. But I have good reason to have been negligent. We've had a baby!!!! A baby boy, born on July 13th and adopted on the 14th. The story is truly amazing and I'll do my best to capture it. And know that I will be crying the whole time. I dare say it's miraculous.

After 2 years of deseparately wanting to start a family (this part is still really raw, so forgive me if I gloss over it a bit), Brad and I talked about adoption. We had tried fertility whatnot and I finally said enough! Enough with the hormones that were literally making me a freakin nut-job. I can't lie, it was taking a toll on the marriage. It's hard to live with a complete hormonal lunatic, and just as hard being one. So, I folded, at least for a little bit. One of the hardest decisions Brad and I have ever made. I was beyond angry and bitter, hopeless and distraught and mad. Boy, was I mad. At life, at my body, at God, at the Universe, at Brad and generally anyone who had children. I can't say I was at rock-bottom because I sincerely believed that there was no bottom. Yeah, pretty much the blackest period of my life. Yup, still raw. So, moving on.

Somehow, I had the wherewithall to know that I have always wanted a family. Never once did I dream about being pregnant. It was always "having a family". In my heart, I explored my feelings about adoption. I started to look on the internet and realized it was perhaps (unbelieveably so) harder than fertility treatments, at least emotional and financially. The process alone for being eligble for adoption was more than tedious and invasive. Imagine your whole life, marriage and history put up for inspection and scrutiny. And the possible wait time! Average 3-5 years.

April showers bring May flowers......bring June snow?!?

Next week is June. Seriously? Did it really snow yesterday?

I love Mary Burbank

READ PREVIOUS POST (BELOW) FROM TODAY FIRST.......

Mary is one of our faculty members and she just made my day. Totally un-provoked and having never seen my blog, she asked me if I was losing weight. Yes, just a few minutes ago. Isn't she a dear?

AND! I told her about that horrendous person this morning and she came up with a "come-back". Here is it:

Meanie: "Are you pregnant"
You: "No, but how far along are you?" And at this point, reach over and rub her belly!!!!!

Ha! Ha! Best come-back for the pregnant line, ever!!!!!! I rarely get this line from a man but I think I would do the same thing. Just to show that his big 'ol gut looks like a baby-belly too.

WARNING: Explicatives

Dear bitch, fucking stupid bitch, for that matter,

No, I am indeed not pregnant--thank you very much for asking; I apparently just have a very large gut. You, however, should have been pushed down the stairs by my large belly, kung-foo-panda style. Trust me, she was no more fit than myself and it would have been a good match, gut to gut.

And now for my tirade, this is a question that you should never, ever, under no circumstances, no exceptions, by no means, ask. I don't give a shit if you are in the delivery room and the woman is in labor. Never ever. Besides being a major fat insult, how do you know if that poor woman has been trying to have a baby for years and happens to look like she is pregnant because she is injecting hundred of hormones? How do you know that if tragically the almost-mother just miscarried. Never ever. It's not your fucking concern and you are a horrible, ignorant person for just blurting out your thoughts. I would much rather hear, "gee, you've put on a few pounds lately".

I've had this conversation with several women and none of us have been able to come up with a witty, back-handed insulting response. "No, I'm not pregnant. I guess I'm just fat" is not a good one. It does not make the poor fatty feel better. ( I use the word "fatty" in jest. I'm trying to inject some humor, not additional insults.) A response of "You are a bitch" doesn't help either. It needs to convey how remarkably stupid and insulting the comment was in the first place. Anyone?

And P.S., I do acknowledge that I have gained some weight after getting married. I have a rule, when I say "fat", I must add "and happy". So, yes I am fat...and happy.

Something to ponder as you wait for your bus

Yes, I saw this in good 'ol Midvale, UT (7200 south & 900 east)